The process of programming a new chip is, generally speaking, not for 3 year olds.
You’ll need a computer, a programmer, and a “target board” — a board that provides a place to put the chip (that you’re going to program) and provides connections to the programming interface. Usually, you would use some sort of AVR ISP programmer (such as the USBtinyISP, the AVR ISP Mk II, or an arduino, pre-programmed with the ArduinoISP sketch) as the programming interface, and the Octolively board itself can be used as the target board. You do not need a bootloader; that’s used for a different type of programming. In addition to that hardware, you’ll also need to install some software on your computer (including AVR-GCC and avrdude) that can be used to compile and upload the new program.
An example project that might point you in the right direction is here: http://www.evilmadscientist.com/2012/blink-an-led-with-an-avr/
You might also want to consider purchasing a pre-programmed microcontroller to save a few steps.