Two weeks ago, after observing the bizarre search suggestions that ask.com gives for searches, we launched a little contest (which we have run a little late in posting the results of). Here are the results in our several categories:

Ironic:

Winner: “how do i go“, which ask.com helpfully expands into (among other variations), “how do i google someone.” Submitted by Josh Gurian.

Honorable mentions:
“Does anyone actually use ask.com?”
“Where is jeeves? What have you done with him?”
How to style your lack of hair

Insightful:

Winner: Evidence that people are looking for stuff that hasn’t been invented yet. (Hint: it isn’t on the net.) Submitted by flickr user samaritan.

Honorable mentions:
“Did you fire Jeeves?”
The question “Should a” produces some interesting ethical issues.
The simple query “when can” produces some insight into how obsessed ask.com (or perhaps its users) are with pregnancy.
Well, maybe pregnancy and international cuisine.

Depressing:

This was the hardest category. There were too many to choose from. The depressing entries struck various notes depression because very unhappy people are querying the search engine, but also because of the terrible grammar issues, and genuinely scary things that one would hope no one ever searches for– both self-destructive and frighteningly ill-informed.

The idea of choosing a “winner” for questions like these is rather stomach turning– but labeling them losers won’t help either.

Winner:
Why don’t i have any friends?, Submitted by flickr user samaritan.

Honorable mentions:
“When will the” (insert terrible thing) happen?
How dumb am i?
Why does everyone lie to me?

Grammar:

Winner: The Most winningest, naturally. Submitted by flickr user dennisw.

Honorable mentions:
loose my belly
I hat you.. (It’s both brilliant and inexplicable.)

Funny:

Winner: The winner makes you wonder how they type the queries. Submitted by flickr user predatormc.

Honorable mentions:
How to kill a mockingbird
Can babies breathe underwater?
This one borders on scary, but the thing about sheep puts it in the funny category.
Finally, two good entries from the Stupid question department: First entry, Second entry

Congratulations to our winners!