We’ve had some complaints lately about Evil Mad Scientist Laboratories not being sufficiently evil. (Too many projects that are “safe” and “legal.” Blah blah blah.)
Today we’re going to fix that by helping you to turn your New Year’s Champagne into a DEADLY weapon!!!!
First, you need a (full, unopened) champagne bottle. If you’re under 21 and in the US, you may need to get an (evil) adult to help you out with this step.
Note: No self-respecting evil mad scientist would attempt to make a DEADLY (!!!!) weapon out of cheap champagne, so please use the good stuff. If your target is some uber-goody-goody like James Bond, you might not get close enough if you use anything less than Dom (from a good year).
The Champagne has a foil wrapper outside of a metal cage that holds the cork in place. Carefully remove these without disturbing the cork. If you shook up the bottle so that the cork came out in this step, drink the contents and start over.
Drill several small holes in the cork. This will facilitate adding the pointy parts. In this cork, I’ve put in seven holes of various sizes.
Add a selection of pointy sewing needles of various sizes.
They will hold pretty well if the holes are the correct sizes, but if you like, you can superglue them into place.
Your DEADLY New Year’s Champagne cork is now constructed!!!! (“Have fun, kids!”)
If that’s not sufficiently evil, just repeat these four simple words:
“Trans fats are yummy!”