But if we took the bones out...

How to make number four, Crunchy Frog.

These are not lightly killed and lovingly coated in glucose, but they do contain whole (gummy) frogs. We recommend Haribo Gummi Frogs. Off-brand frogs may have more prominent eye bulges, but don't have quite the right mild apple flavor. (If you go with Haribo, note that Amazon offers gift wrap for the 5 lb bag.)

Since gummy frogs normally come boneless, you'll have to add them back in manually. It's a dirty job, but somebody's got to do it. Conventional confections employ nuts, puffed rice, wafers, or corn flakes for crunch, but these are no ordinary confections: we use Pop Rocks.

Pop Rocks have a relatively short shelf life, so it's best to get them just before you are going to use them. They are available as a single pouch with a third of an ounce or in a movie candy style box with several three gram pouches. (Question: whose bright Idea was it to sell these as movie theater candy?)

There are two remarkable things about this recipe. First, Pop Rocks survive being immersed in melted chocolate surprisingly well-- they still pop after the chocolate solidifies. Second, the artificial fruit flavor of the Pop Rocks is completely overwhelmed and masked by the bittersweet chocolate. We anticipated a bit of flavor conflict, but the chocolate won out completely, leaving only the pop-whiz-bang of the Pop Rocks.

Update: a reader points out that unflavored "pastry rocks" are available in specialty shops-- that could be very helpful if you use something that isn't as strongly flavored as bittersweet chocolate.

The procedure is straightforward: melt your chocolate in a double boiler. It needs to be real, pure chocolate. We like Ghirardelli 60% bittersweet chips. They're readily available, not too expensive, and have excellent texture. You'll want just enough to coat your frogs. Too much chocolate with a finite amount of crunchy bits will leave a poor crunch density.

Add the Pop Rocks and stir them into the chocolate. Use lots of Pop Rocks; As many as you dare. They'll crackle a bit when you stir them in, but don't worry, there will still be plenty of crunch.

Coat your frogs and place them on parchment paper on a cookie sheet. A chocolate fork works great for this, but regular forks work, too.

Chill in the refrigerator until they solidify, preferably in a sealed container to prevent condensation issues.

NOMNOMNOMRIBBITCRUNCH!